We’re back! Read about our trip to Mazatlan!

We recently returned from a 12 day visit to Mazatlan. If you prayed for this trip, THANK YOU! We truly felt the prayer coverage. The Lord taught us so much during our trip, and we are just beyond grateful for the opportunity we had to go back, as well as allow our girls to experience Mexico!

The first week, we spent a ton of time with the staff. We had dinner with each staff family individually and also with the entire staff several times. We got to know each family’s story and how God had brought them to Mazatlan. It was a great time for us to ask questions and get a clearer idea of what life looks like in Mazatlan. Grant and I were also able to visit the three children’s homes with our girls. Ezra and Evie started playing right away and looked right at home. It was neat to see that there is no language barrier when it comes to kids playing together. We visited the beach a few times, too, as it was just a short walk away from the Team House. The Team House is where groups stay when they come to Mazatlan for short-term mission trips. The Mazatlan site director and his family, along with the other staff/families all live in the same neighborhood, within walking distance. The executive directors of Back2Back, Todd & Beth Guckenberger and their family stayed in the Team House with us for a few days, too, and it was awesome getting to know them.

The Lord met us in some cool ways while we were in Mazatlan. I’ll share just two.

This past July, a former Mason student of mine sent me a message on Facebook. She had read this blog and knew we were struggling a great deal with fostering. She shared a story with me that greatly impacted my life. In November, while in a quiet time on our first trip to Mazatlan, the Lord brought this story back and again used it to encourage me. Two Sundays ago, Beth Guckenberger was speaking at our church service held at the site director’s home in Mazatlan. A few minutes into the service, Evie was crying so I left the room and missed the rest of the message. I felt pretty sorry for myself all day, as I was really looking forward to church. That evening, Beth spoke again. This time, Grant took care of Evie so I could stay. Guess what story she shared? I literally almost fell out of my chair, as Beth began to describe the exact same story that my student had sent me nine months earlier. Beth had taken a trip to Israel and observed some sheep on a hillside. The sheep were in a perfect line and moved ahead just a few steps at a time, as the shepherd weaved in and out of the line speaking to each sheep. The sheep would turn their heads toward the sheperd then obey him immediately and completely; for, if they didn’t, they would not eat. You see, the green pastures that Psalm 23 talk about are really not that green at all! Rather, it’s a barren desert. The sheep had to trust that the shepherd would lead them to the small tufts of “pasture.” How differently I read that Psalm now! I had always imagined that pasture as green and lush, a place that I could “fill up” then be set for a while. Instead, the Lord taught me that I must be 100% dependent on Him, completely trusting that He will lead me to that next tuft of grass. And, while waiting, my head is turned up to Him, ready to hear what He has to say.

Another surprise the Lord gave me was regarding a Donald Miller book, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years. Grant decided to bring it and read it while in Mexico. I had started it about a year ago but didn’t get beyond the first few chapters. One evening, I had the book with me, and one of the staff commented that this book had been the tipping point to saying “yes” to coming to Mazatlan. She said that another staff member had actually included that in her testimony and had also been a huge part in the decision to come on staff with B2B. Well, I had to finish it, then! That night, as I was reading, the Lord did a little something. I read about a dad with a 13 year old daughter. She was rebelling, and her parents were obviously very upset about it.

The night after we talked, Jason couldn’t sleep. He thought about the story his daughter was living and the role she was playing inside that story. He realized that he hadn’t provided a better role for his daughter. He hadn’t mapped out a story for his family. And so his daughter had chosen another story, a story in which she was wanted, even if she was only being used. In the absence of a family story, she’d chosed a story in which there was risk and adventure, rebellion and independence. “She’s not a bad girl, my friend said. “She was just choosing the best story available to her.”

At this point, I had a huge lump in my throat. I thought about Ezra and her independent spirit. I thought about how similar she is to me and how incredibly rebellious I was and still am, at times. I knew that it was my and Grant’s responsibility to create a family story that allowed her a great role to play.

“I started researching some stuff on the internet,” Jason said, “and I came across an organization that builds orphanages around the world. And that sounded to me like a pretty good ambition, something maybe my family could try to do together. It sounded like a good story.”

Cue the whole body goosebumps. Ok, God, I hear you. p.s. The orphanages were in Mexico

The second week, a small group of 16 arrived. Grant followed the “group schedule,” which consisted of a meeting in the morning and spending the rest of the day at one of the children’s homes completing work projects then play time with the kids. The girls and I participated in some group activities but had to be back at the Team House for nap time. A few times I felt like the girls were in the way of the work projects needing completing, but the Lord always allowed us to connect with some kids before leaving, confirming our visit that day. I also drove to the grocery and got gas during this week! The last day, several staff, the group, and our family went to the aquarium with the kids from Salvation Army. For most of the kids, it was their first time! It was incredible seeing how excited they were to see the sea lion show, sharks, alligators, etc.

Ezra and Evie had a wonderful trip. There are 8 children that are part of the staff families, and the girls loved spending time with them. Ezra even got to attend a sleep-over with the other girls. She cried when we left and asked if we could live in Mazatlan forever

While still a lot to process, Grant and I will continue to move forward as the Lord allows. There are still several steps before anything “official” would happen. In the meantime, we would be so grateful if you would continue to pray for our family. This is obviously a huge decision, and we want to be careful to not get ahead of the Lord. We will keep praying that the Lord directs our steps and that we will obey whatever He asks of us.

Feel free to check out our pics from the trip!! If you have any specific questions or would like to know a little more detail about our time spent in Mazatlan, please let me know!

https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10200483521226803.1073741826.1120447828&type=1&l=717b741f87

Please check out Back2Back‘s site, too! There are many opportunities for short-term trips, as well as more information on how Back2Back serves the orphan child.

What’s next for us?

It’s been almost 3 months, since my last post. And, our lives have changed a great deal! First, our foster son is now in another placement. I think it will be quite some time, until I’m able to accurately describe what that experience meant for my family. I know the Lord will be revealing His purpose for those 9 months well into the future. We’re feeling a mixture of emotions but are confident that the Lord has His hand on that little life.

Our next bit of news is that Grant and I are returning to Mazatlan, Mexico, with our girls. After we returned from our previous trip there, Grant and I committed to praying about what the Lord may have for us regarding orphan care. We obviously were still fostering at that point but felt the Lord possibly moving us in another direction. After a few days (we thought this time of prayer would last months!), it was clear that the Lord wanted us to reach out to Back2Back, the ministry with whom we had partnered in Mazatlan. That led to setting up our upcoming trip. We’ll be there for two weeks, one week working alongside the current staff in Mazatlan. Then, one more week with a small group completing projects at the children’s homes. We pray that the Lord will give us (and the staff) clear confirmation about if the Keys family could have a future in Mazatlan. 

What we want is to be on staff in Mazatlan. What we want more is to be where God wants us. Please pray!

Back from México!

Grant and I have just returned home from, what I hope, is a permanently life-altering trip. We spent the last week in Mazatlan, Mexico, a beautiful coastal city on the Pacific. 11 months ago, when we started our Radical Experiment, we committed to setting aside a week of our year to “give our time in another context.” On January 12th, I wrote this post. Since then, as many of you know, we became foster parents. The idea of leaving behind 3 kids made the idea of a mission trip seem impossible. But, God wanted us in Mazatlan, so everything just fell in to place.

Grant and I had a week of time off that would expire at the end of the year, so we were looking at different vacation options. Both of us really were interested in a mission trip but couldn’t figure out how to make it work with the kids. On October 29th, I went to Bible Study and asked that my group would pray that a mission opportunity would open up for us before the end of the year. That same night, a friend mentioned how she had heard Beth  Guckenberger speak at her church and the impact it had on her life. I remembered reading Beth’s book Reckless Faith earlier in the year and the longing it stirred up in my heart to spend time in Mexico…a desire I’d had since high school. Another friend suggested I check out Back2Back, a local organization that serves orphans in Mexico, India, Africa, and now Haiti. I’m not sure why I hadn’t thought of it earlier, as I had already went on a mission trip with them in the past. I decided to look at their website that night to see if there were any trips that we could join. So, long story short, the Lord allowed several things to work out, and we booked the trip that week!

The week leading up to the trip was incredibly difficult for me. I was wrought with anxiety, so much so that I was starting to dread leaving for the trip. I understand now why that time was so rough. Satan did not want me and Grant in Mazatlan!

Back2Back recently launched its program in Mazatlan at the beginning of this year. Currently, the staff on site work with three different childrens’ homes: one focused on teenage girls, another for special needs children, and the third, a Salvation Army home. Each day we would visit one of the 3 homes, usually completing a work project first, then hanging out with the kids for the rest of the day. Our work projects included starting razor wire on the top of a fence, lots of painting, and mixing and pouring concrete. If you have been looking for some way to “give back,” or if God has begun to speak to you about your role in orphan care, I strongly suggest that you check out this organziation! http://back2back.org/

While on the trip, the Lord really worked on both of our hearts. I had no anxiety the entire time we were there, which is a real miracle for me recently! We had a lot of time to spend with Jesus, undistracted and quiet. The Lord protected our travel and our health. We truly had a richly blessed week. The Lord continued to protect at the airport on the way home. While standing in line for Customs at Dallas, our flight attendant rushed up to me. By the grace of God, a flight attendant on our flight had just happened to look down and found my driver’s license who knows where, recognized me, and sought me out of tons of people in the line at Customs.

This trip was unique in that there were only 7 of us, 5 participants and 2 staff members from the main office in Cincinnati. This allowed me a lot of time to get to know some of the staff that are on site in Mazatlan. I was able to talk about what life was like there for a mother. I loved that I was able to work alongside Grant, serving the homes and the kids, throughout the week. However, if Grant and I were on staff there, it would not look quite the same. Grant would be out working every day, while I would be at home with the kids. The staff women with kids do a whole lot in the background for Back2Back, while also caring for their children. I was so thankful to see how this would look for us, if we lived there.

This trip was different than I was expecting. I have been on several mission trips, and they always give me that “mountain top” experience. The high only lasts for a short time, though, once I’m gone. This feels more…permanent, I guess would be the word. I was expecting to bond with one or two kids and feel greatly impacted by those new relationships. Instead, God used this as a time to show me that this could be our new reality. The last night of our trip, we shared our “picture of the day.” Most days, I would think of this “God moment” right away. That night, I just felt sadness that the trip was over. While I missed our kids, I was not ready to leave this city, these orphans. Right before my turn, the Lord just overwhelmed me with the thought that this wasn’t the end for us in Mazatlan. We would be back. It was startling and gave me goose bumps! We were asked to think about one word that would describe our trip. I experienced so much this week. The Lord moved my heart in some dramatic ways. Trying to figure out one word to describe so much was hard. Broken. I met many broken children. I met staff who had been broken for these children. And, God broke my heart, too. I have an ache for these kids that seem to live in a whole other world. I pray that He leaves that ache there, so I will not grow weary of praying for them or whatever else He has in store for my family, regarding orphan care.

The last part of the trip, I read a book called Anything. Essentially, the author and her husband told the Lord that they would do anything that He asked of them. She talked about praying and surrending each “big” thing in their lives, things that could take the place or priority over God: house, career, kids, money, etc. I thought about all the things that I hold on to for dear life-my family, my health, my comfort. I’m not sure exactly what the Lord is preparing us to do, but I want to be ready to say YES, whatever it is, whatever the cost. God, we’ll do anything. Anything!

Another Divine Appointment

He did it again. The Lord allowed us to be a part of a clearly orchestrated divine appointment. (Click here to read about the first crazy meeting the Lord set up!) And boy did I need it. The last five months (can you believe it’s been that long!) have been very, very difficult. My emotions have ranged from excitement to despair to anger to frustration to deep depression. I have questioned over and over if we made a wrong decision with becoming foster parents. I rack my brain trying to think about if this was something that I had pursued, because I wanted it…that maybe I had misread all the seemingly clear and loud confirmations from the Holy Spirit. I have begged the Lord for some sort of sign that we are in fact obeying what He had called us to in January. I had pleaded for hope, even a tiny shred, as I did not feel I could go on much longer. Well, He gave me a lot more than a shred this morning.

During our foster son’s visitation, we decided to go to breakfast. I could see Evie smiling at a couple sitting next to us. I looked over and recognized them. I thought they looked like someone we had met while volunteering at Southbrook, a church we attended about 5 years ago. Turns out, it WAS them. I’ll condense the conversation.

Me-We’re having breakfast, while our foster son is at visitation. Them-We’re foster parents, too! Do you happen to know…? She’s our neighbor and friend. Me-Yes!! She’s the case aide that monitors his visits. Them-Do you still go to Southbrook? Me-No, we attend Apex now. Them-I know it’s a big church, but do you happen to know…? I work with her.  Me-Yes! They’re our House Church leaders!

*Our case aide is also a gift from Jesus. She’s a Christian and has been the person with whom we’ve had the most contact.

*Our HC leader had actually talked to me about this family several times and their experience with fostering!! She never told me their name, so I didn’t make any connection until this evening.

The whole “random” meeting blew me away. We had planned on going to another restaurant and decided to eat at this place, at the last minute. I’m so very grateful that He, despite the fact that I did not deserve it at all, confirmed that we are where we should be. Thank you, Jesus!!

Now for an update of the past two months…the last time I posted was in the midst of the worst of the worst. I had just read a blog post written by an adoptive mom that gave the time frame of 3-4 months as the “starting to get better” stage. She was right! Things did start to improve soon after my last post. Our foster son is now bonded to both Grant and myself. He’s sleeping and eating wonderfully. He’s saying words and signing a ton, right along with Evie! He is a different child.

Grant and I were invited to a meeting for him next month and will be given an opportunity to share. We’ve compiled some information, detailing his behavior when he was first placed compared to now. WHAT A DRAMATIC DIFFERENCE. I guess I try to not think about what it was like in the beginning.

So, you would think I’d be jumping for joy right now, since he’s doing awesome and life should be easier, right? Well, I’m certainly thankful that he’s settled in to our family. However, this will make it a hell of a lot harder when the day comes for him to reunify with his birthmom. While that has always been the goal, it is now infinitely more difficult to imagine him leaving our family. Initially, we were told that he would probably be with us for a year. We have found out that he could be reunified much sooner than that.

I seriously do not understand how to do this foster parent thing well. We have felt very isolated during this process, as we don’t know well any current foster parents. What I needed the past five months is for another foster mom to tell me that what I’m feeling is normal, that I’m not crazy. My friend Kate,  a former foster parent and mother of 7, said it well. If the church was doing its job of caring for the orphans, there would be tons of support. I would never feel isolated, trying to figure out if I was slowly going insane. I could call 5 families for encouragement. But, the church is not stepping up. I’ve posted this stat before, and it’s staggering. According to this website, in 2011, there were 2,789 kids waiting to be adopted in the state of Ohio. Guess how many churches there are in Ohio? 14,657.

You can probably think of 10 good reasons why you shouldn’t foster or adopt. I get it. I had my list, too. Obviously, it’s not easy, either. It sucks for a lot of the time. BUT…don’t you want to be a part of the church body rallying together to eliminate this ridiculous idea of kids WAITING FOR A HOME? Shouldn’t we be WAITING TO ADOPT KIDS?!?

I’ll end with this really cool translation of a verse I’m sure you’ve heard. By the way, we just upped our foster/adopt license to 3 kids. We’re waiting for our next placement. Would you join us?

Psalm 68:5-6a NLT  Father to the fatherless, defender of the widows-this is God, whose dwelling is holy. God places the lonely in families…

We’re still here

First post in over 6 weeks.  Things are very much the same and still very hard. Although we’re three months in, we’re barely staying afloat, much of the time. This entire experience has been much different than I was anticipating. The biggest shock was the fact that foster baby has rejected me as the “mother figure.” Thankfully, he has bonded with Grant. Day after day of screaming when I hold him, though, has certainly taken its toll. I’m having a very hard time hearing anything from the Lord, so fighting through this without feeling His presence is near impossible. This blog post sheds a little more light on where we are. While this is not exactly the same situation, since we’re not adopting, the early experience is similar. Note: We’re in Stage 2 and had a little over 24 hours of a “honeymoon” period.

Some of my favorites:

The house is a disaster. Your bios are huddled up in the corner, begging grandparents to come rescue them. You can’t talk to anyone. Everyone is still beaming at you, asking: “Isn’t this the best thing?? Is this just the happiest time of your life?” You are starving for truth-tellers in adoption. You scour blogs and Yahoo groups, desperate for one morsel of truth, one brave person to say how hard this in and give you a shred of hope. You only find adorable pictures and cute stories, and you despair. You feel so alone. You’ve ruined your life. You’ve ruined your kids’ lives. Your marriage is doomed. Your adopted child hates you. You want to go back to that person pining away in the Pre-Stage and punch her in the liver.

So in those first few stages, you might feel like you are raising someone else’s hysterical kid. You might be chockfull of resentment, anger, disappointment, and regret. Love may feel elusive, even impossible for awhile. You might wonder if God called you to something then left you.

So, if you want to know how we’re doing, read above. Sums it up pretty well. Just have to make it to Stage 3!

Can YOU free a child from abuse and neglect?

You may think the following is a bizarre post to follow-up to my last. However, hear me out.

Think about your responsibility pertaining to orphan care. Can you provide a home free of abuse and neglect? Do you have an extra bed? (Notice, I have not asked…are you super patient? Do you have a good handle on parenting? etc.)

Despite my complaining and whining over how hard it’s been as a  foster parent, AND IT HAS BEEN HARD, is it worth it? I have to dig through all my selfishness  and discomfort and look at the value of what this really is. These children have been taken from an environment of abuse and neglect. They have been placed, hopefully, in a foster home that is safe.

Isn’t that infinitely more valuable than our own personal comfort?

I really hate that my posts have NOT been about how awesome fostering is and how much we love it. Maybe it’s really been about how self-focused I have been.

I have posted this website before, but it’s powerful. There are 14, 657 churches in Ohio. There are 3, 011 kids waiting to be adopted. I bet most of you assumed this number was reversed. Surely, the church would be doing more to support these kids! Do you go to church? You’re in that 14K.

If we can do this, ANYONE can do this. If you have questions about the foster or adoption process, please feel free to contact me. If Jesus has been stirring up your heart, respond!

Where’d you go, Jesus?

Seriously. This post is more of the same. If you’re looking for a feel-good read, keep on a-looking.

I reread my last post and have decided to update my percentages. I now feel completely crazy 99% of the time. Jesus has allowed these tiny pockets of time (an hour of less) where I feel peace and calm and able to function properly. I have literally had about 3 of these in the past 6 weeks. I want you to think about that right now. For about 3 total hours over the past 6 weeks, I have felt semi-normal.

My emotions range from anger to frustration to hopelessness to depression. It’s pretty joyless in my life right now, AND I HATE IT. I’d love to know if this is just all part of the fostering process, or if it’s something more. Because, it certainly feels like something more. The very worst part about it all is the fact that I feel that Jesus is completely absent. Now, I know truth and realize He never leaves me. But, I do not feel/see/hear Him working in my life at all…for the last 6 weeks. COME ON.

I told Him that if He wants me to sell everything I own and move to a hut in Africa, I’ll do it. If He wants me to accept more foster children, I’ll do it. But, I also told Him that if He was going to just hang me out to dry, screw this. I’m out. A friend asked if we would continue fostering, once this placement returns home. Everything in  me wants to scream, HELL NO!! I really don’t feel I have a choice, though. Yes, we’ll continue to foster, up until we hear differently from Him. I guess I’m holding on to this tiny shred of hope that He’ll show up and help us out.

I desperately, with all my heart, want to live completely surrendered to His will. Now, I understand that you don’t have to do “big” things like moving to another country and choosing to live in destitution to really be serving the Lord. Duh. We’re all living in the mission field He’s chosen for us. However, that’s where my heart and head keep wanting to go. I know that’s not from me. I would MUCH rather live in comfort, eating good food, drinking good wine, wearing designer jeans. I know the Lord’s put that in my heart. When I read about people living radically, I want to do that. That’s why I just don’t get what’s happening. I’m pulling my hair out and cussing my brains out and acting like a huge baby. While I want to be one of those people, I just don’t seem to be “cut out” for that. I really did think I was a little more of a mature Christian than I obviously am. The minute hard times hit, I forget the entire foundation of my faith, basic truths. Do any of you struggle with this?

You want to pray for us? Pray that the Lord would show mercy and allow us to experience His presence again. Do we deserve it? Absolutely not. The conversation I have with myself goes a little like this: I get it, Lord. I’ve done a shitty job today as a parent. I might be the worst parent on the planet. I understand why You wouldn’t want anything to do with me. But, PLEASE. Jesus, help me out!

I know it’s going to happen sometime. He’s going to provide a verse or a song or a friend or a billboard that will give me the confidence I need to keep going. I’m not sure if that’s Biblical or good or mature to need that from the Lord, but that’s how it is.

Finally, to close…some of you may be aghast at some of the honesty in this post. I always want to be as transparent as possible, so that no one ever has a false view of our family. We are broken and wrecked and messed up. Yes, we’ve decided to do this foster thing that some may see as noble. Please understand that this had little to do with what we wanted. Jesus asked us, and we obeyed…kicking and screaming and cussing all the way.