First post in over 6 weeks. Things are very much the same and still very hard. Although we’re three months in, we’re barely staying afloat, much of the time. This entire experience has been much different than I was anticipating. The biggest shock was the fact that foster baby has rejected me as the “mother figure.” Thankfully, he has bonded with Grant. Day after day of screaming when I hold him, though, has certainly taken its toll. I’m having a very hard time hearing anything from the Lord, so fighting through this without feeling His presence is near impossible. This blog post sheds a little more light on where we are. While this is not exactly the same situation, since we’re not adopting, the early experience is similar. Note: We’re in Stage 2 and had a little over 24 hours of a “honeymoon” period.
Some of my favorites:
The house is a disaster. Your bios are huddled up in the corner, begging grandparents to come rescue them. You can’t talk to anyone. Everyone is still beaming at you, asking: “Isn’t this the best thing?? Is this just the happiest time of your life?” You are starving for truth-tellers in adoption. You scour blogs and Yahoo groups, desperate for one morsel of truth, one brave person to say how hard this in and give you a shred of hope. You only find adorable pictures and cute stories, and you despair. You feel so alone. You’ve ruined your life. You’ve ruined your kids’ lives. Your marriage is doomed. Your adopted child hates you. You want to go back to that person pining away in the Pre-Stage and punch her in the liver.
So in those first few stages, you might feel like you are raising someone else’s hysterical kid. You might be chockfull of resentment, anger, disappointment, and regret. Love may feel elusive, even impossible for awhile. You might wonder if God called you to something then left you.
So, if you want to know how we’re doing, read above. Sums it up pretty well. Just have to make it to Stage 3!